A Wake Up Call
Dorothy Skarles has been one of my critique partners for some time. She has also been a teacher and a great supporter of my writing.
Two years ago, she lost her husband, and as a result, her will to write.
I considered this a shame and a great loss, not only for herself, but for all the people who have come to enjoy her wonderful articles and stories.
As a result, I encouraged her to start a blog.
Too much, too hard, she told me and what would I write about?
I suggested she write about what was closest to her heart right now–bereavement–and then offered her space on my site as a way to give blogging a try.
She agreed, and I’m proud of her progress.
Most of all, I’m happy that she’s writing again.
Welcome Dorothy.
Starting to Forget, A Wake Up Call?
Did I lock the door?
Did I leave the coffee pot on?
What did I do with my keys?
When one starts to forget, is it a wake up call?
Does one need to worry?
Not according to my bereavement group.
Forgetting, misplacing, or having a fuzzy brain is part of the high stress the bereaved go through at the death of a loved one.
Even so, the minute I forget something (which seems to be happening a lot lately), I start to worry. Am I okay?
Walking a path to wholeness varies from a few months to three or four years.
Yes, years.
A woman in my bereavement group said, “I’ve been a widow for five years, and I still forget where I put things.”
Another added, “ At least you’re forgetting at home. I went to the grocery store, got my cart, and went up and down every isle, never putting one thing into the cart. When I got home, I still didn’t have any milk.”
Knowing what others go through helps, but I’m having a hard time dealing with some of my own memory lapses that come up.
My not paying attention while getting dressed is still alive with embarrassment.
One day I went to the bank and grocery store, and on returning home, met my son at the front door.
“When did you start wearing your bra on the outside of your clothes,” he asked.
I felt a jerk on the back of my sweater, and then he began to laugh as he held up my bra.
My face burned at the thought of a bra hanging outside my clothes and over my fanny without knowing anything was wrong. How could I go back to the bank and grocery store where no one, absolutely no one, had said anything to me?
Has my memory come down to this–forgetting and fuzzy thinking?
I hope not.
In the bereavement group they say when the “crisis” is over and you return to some degree of normalcy, clarity will return.
I cling to that thought. And rather than drown in my shame or embarrassment for not coping, I’ve decided not to overburden my mind with so many thoughts that go nowhere.
Except maybe paying attention when I get dressed.
daskarles 2010
Dorothy –
I think you may have solved a problem I've been having for some years. My mother died in 2007. At the time, my father had dementia and didn't even know she was gone. Then he died 13 months ago.
For several years, I've been forgetful, even more than could be attributed to just being my usual scatterbrained self.
No one, not my doctor, not the minister at my church, ever suggested grief might be impinging upon my memory processes. So, of course, it never occurred to me to connect grief with forgetfulness.
Thank you so much. This could explain a lot.
Margaret –
Thank you for giving Dorothy a forum in which to express herself without stress or pressure.
With warm wishes for both of you during the holiday season, and in the coming year.
— K
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
Hi Kay. You're certainly welcome. Warm wishes to you, too, for a joyful holiday season.
Dear Kay, thank you for posting. In my bereavement group, I have heard some very odd, strange, and healing stories on forgetting that I have been able to relate to. What you have told me is not over the top. Grief is the culprit here that makes you draw a blank and lets thoughts slip from memory.
A widow friend told me today, she was driving to woman's house that she had been to several times, and suddenly didn't know where she was. She had to call her friend and tell her she was lost. And believe me when I tell you this town we both live in isn't that big to get lost in. Only last week, I was driving down the main drag and forgot what I was doing there in the first place. My friend told me that she thought grief made it hard to think straight.
Being a guest blogger, and the people who have posted have helped me
understand that grief is part of healing—and forgetting is also a part of what we all go through.
Warm wishes to you also Kay, and have a wonderful holiday.
Dorothy,
You are precious!
Love, bernadine
Bernadine, you make me blush, and smile.
You did a great job Dorothy. Your bra on the out side of your clothes is hysterical. So glad there are others out there like me.
Judy
Judy, I don't know where a persons mind goes after a loss of a loved one, but I do know that my mind is making me do a lot of odd and funny things. So, you are not alone.